Thinking out loud

Well, not really sure where this is going or how this is going to work.  I feel led to just put some things down as I feel them.  I have kept journals in the past and they have helped me make sense of things at times.  I am hoping that this blog will do some of the same - help me make sense of some things.  I struggle.  a lot.  I keep a lot inside.  I know I am not alone in this.  I know that many people do the same.  Sometimes you need a safe place to vent.  To feel.  To be.  I am a Christian and I know that the Bible talks a lot about the "peace that passes understanding".  To be honest, I have felt this peace at times and some times I struggle with it.  When I struggle to trust, to find peace, it breeds guilt.  Guilt that tells me if I were a GOOD Christian, I would HAVE peace.  Abundant peace.  Which makes me feel I am not a "good enough" Christian which makes that "peace" seem even more distant.  I have been a Christian long enough to know all the "church speak", so if you feel led to jump in and tell me that these feelings are just Satan trying to steal my peace, that I am a child of God, and the only one keeping me from having peace is MYSELF.  Guess what?  I get that.  I already KNOW that.  What I don't know, is how to get out of my own way.  I am on a journey.  I imagine you are too.  No one is perfect.  Not everyone agrees with everyone all the time.  That's ok.  It's good even.  At least I believe it is.  This blog is not about giving or getting advice, it is about acceptance.  It is about telling each other it is ok not to be ok.  So, if you would like a safe place to vent, without judgement, then feel free to join me as I ask God for Mercy, Grace, and Blessings.