Mercy, Grace, and Blessings

Today would have been my dad's 87th Birthday.  He absolutely loved to play the lottery and did so each and every week.  He even won a few times (not big, but still).  He played every week because he was convinced that if he missed a week THAT would be the week he would have won BIG!  I have lost both of my parents.  My mom about 10 years ago and my dad almost 3 years ago.  I am an only child, so I have no siblings to fully understand their loss.  My kids were very close to both of them, so they help a lot.  They get it.  I do not like to celebrate their deaths.  I prefer to celebrate their birthdays by doing something that reminds me of them.  For my mom, I go out for lunch and go shopping.  For my dad, I buy a lottery ticket.  I am not normally a person who ever buys lottery tickets.  Until 3 years ago, maybe once or twice in my life.  Now I buy one per year.  That is today.  I send out an invite to al...

Well, not really sure where this is going or how this is going to work.  I feel led to just put some things down as I feel them.  I have kept journals in the past and they have helped me make sense of things at times.  I am hoping that this blog will do some of the same - help me make sense of some things.  I struggle.  a lot.  I keep a lot inside.  I know I am not alone in this.  I know that many people do the same.  Sometimes you need a safe place to vent.  To feel.  To be.  I am a Christian and I know that the Bible talks a lot about the "peace that passes understanding".  To be honest, I have felt this peace at times and some times I struggle with it.  When I struggle to trust, to find peace, it breeds guilt.  Guilt that tells me if I were a GOOD Christian, I would HAVE peace.  Abundant peace.  Which makes me feel I am not a "good enough" Christian which makes that "peace" seem even more distant. ...